


Adieu

by MarshIsATheatreGeek



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Illness, Oneshot, Other, Post-Canon, Suicide Attempt Mention, this is one of the happier deh fics ive written : o
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 17:19:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18760939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarshIsATheatreGeek/pseuds/MarshIsATheatreGeek
Summary: Evan revisits a place close to his heart to find the closure he needs.





	Adieu

 

A light breeze tickled his skin as he walked through the park, eyes darting to and fro the further his feet carried him.

Birds occupied the sky in varying amounts, greeting him with a melodious sound. _Hello_ , it intoned, the chorus resounding throughout the enclosure.

Evan Hansen was quite certain that this was the most beautiful place in the world. It was quiet and gentle, beckoning you to come forth and stay in it's gentle embrace forever. 

His shoes padded along the path softly, making an indent or two on the soil beneath it. 

In the corner of his vision, he spied rows upon rows of colorful plantation, but he resisted the urge to change his course.

As much as he would like to stay and admire the beauty the park had to offer, he was here for something else.

It didn't take him long to arrive at the location he had wished to go to. The memory of that day was practically engraved in the back of his head.

The day he had tried to willingly wrest his own life away from himself without giving it a chance to even begin.

He vividly remembered his thoughts before the attempt. Words like "No one will miss you anyway." and "It will only hurt for a second." chipping away at his feelings of hesitancy.

And so he let go.

Everything went by in a flash. The only thing separating the time he spent balancing precariously on a tree branch and the moment he was sprawled out on the grass being a numbness in his arm. 

The warm color of the grass became a stark contrast to the cold unforgiving feeling that was coursing through him due to the contact he made with it, and it in itself was more painful than the injury he sustained from it.

Worst of all was that even though he had gone through with his plan, it still wasn't enough to end his pitiful life.

Most would never want to come in walking distance of a place that held memories similar to his, but not Evan.

Instead, he found himself strangely drawn to the place, like a ghost with unfinished business to attend to.

Of course, this wasn't because he desired to die by his own hands, he had long since sworn off seeing that as an option, he just wanted to put something festering deep inside him to rest.

He placed his hand on the tree's weathered bark, feeling the rough texture underneath his palm. 

The sensation he got from this was something else entirely, like he was reliving his perilous climb up to the top of his own personal harbinger of death.

He shakily took in a breath, holding it for what felt like hours before finally speaking.

"Th-This.. feels a lot more surreal than I'd like it to be.."

Evan laughed breathlessly, blowing air out through his nose and then continuing on with his monologue to no one in particular.

"Even though it was so long ago.. I.. I still feel like it was yesterday."

It was inescapable. The path he had chose to walk down would always end up leading him back to where he had come from.

Back to his beginnings, when lies were all he could use to prevent the bullet of truth from hitting it's mark. When weaving fantasies and fairytales was more pleasing than coming home to the enticing life awaiting him.

"It's.. kinda funny, because.. in a way... me and Connor _did_ connect, huh?"

Blowing a harsh breath through his nose, he rewinded his mental clock to that busy first day of school where it was so packed that you had to strain to hear what the person next to you was trying to convey to you.

It was on that exact day that Connor Murphy had chosen to end his life, and, ironically, Evan's letter containing his own suicidal thoughts was the catalyst to this. 

Had he known his peer was suffering silently at a more convenient time and place, perhaps he would've sucked up his inhibitions and braced himself to reach out. Maybe they could've become friends and spent the rest of their days together, having each other's backs wherever the weather blew, but it wasn't so no matter how much he willed it to be.

That responsibility was a big factor in planting his little seed of fibs and allowing it to blossom into a cobweb he'd find himself stuck in, and now he had the gut-wrenching sense of why he felt this was a fact.

At that point in Connor's life, Evan was, quite possibly, the _only_ person who could empathize with his struggles on the exact level of agony. The only person who could perfectly picture the imagery too mortifying to portray to a prying friend or a concerned family member, and he hadn't even recognized it.

He'd just let Connor push him away much like everyone else. Let him run off without much protest or struggle, and then Connor was no more.

Trembling, Evan grasped at the bark of the tree, swallowing even when his throat felt like closing in on itself.

"I-It's funny. How everything is.. just now coming full circle.. It's- It's crazy."

Was he a madman for doing this? A buffoon for trespassing into this sanctuary just to run his mouth off about the sickening things that plagued his mind on sleepless nights?

Sure. He was fine with that.

"But.. it's.."

Steady hands pushed off of the tree trunk's support, Evan rising to his full height and looking to the sky in resignation.

"..It's better than nothing, right?"

And then, as he turned to go, he felt an errant gust of wind that wasn't there before brush up against him, if only for just a moment.

Evan looked back one last time at the picturesque and stately wooden perennial and breathed a concise bid of Adieu:

" _Thank_ _you_."

The clouds were really something, weren't they?

 

_All we see is sky, for forever._

**Author's Note:**

> im glad i can give this to u after such a sad first work!! : 0
> 
> this one is alot more recent than the last one, and im still quite proud of it, actually ^7^; !!!
> 
> i hope u enjoyed reading!!! : )
> 
> ~marsh <3


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